"I Survived NAVSCOLEOD"

Check out this old movie they were going to write about "NAVSCOL"

The film opens in 1985 at NAVSCOLEOD, where explosive ordnance disposal training is in full swing amid palm trees and Florida humidity. We meet Lt. Jake “Boomer” Harlan (Tom Hanks), a fresh-faced instructor hyped on Reagan-era patriotism, teaching wide-eyed trainees like Pvt. Lenny “Sparky” Thompson (Bill Murray) how to defuse bombs without blowing up their careers. The base buzzes with rumors: instructors like Cmdr. Rex “Detonator” Vance (Chevy Chase) have been “dallying” with students, getting temporarily pulled for a “little bit of time” before slinking back to teach, thanks to lax oversight. Everyone whispers about it, but no one acts—after all, it’s the 80s, and “boys will be boys” is the unofficial motto.

Enter the inciting incident: A local t-shirt company, run by hyperactive mogul (Robin Williams), unveils a massive billboard “post” (their wild ad campaign) featuring shirts with cheeky designs like “NAVSCOLEOD: Where Sparks Fly… Off the Range!” and caricatures of instructors chasing students with bomb suits unzipped. The base goes into meltdown—admirals panic about bad PR, trainees gossip wildly, and the whole school mobilizes to “defuse” the scandal before it hits the papers. But the heads of NAVSCOLEOD, including Adm. Harlan “Blast” McCoy (John Candy), are secretly more worried about a recent lawsuit that’s blowing up in their faces: A civilian janitor (fictionalized here as a bumbling base custodian who moonlights as a medic-type handyman) sued after he blew his hand off while playing with a “souvenir” ordnance fuse he shouldn’t have had access to—encouraged by lax safety rules to scavenge debris for mementos. The lawsuit exposes the Navy’s negligence in safety protocols, settling for millions and threatening to detonate the school’s reputation far more than any t-shirt ever could. In a comedic twist, McCoy sweats through meetings, muttering about “that darn janitor’s lawsuit” while trying to shift blame to “discretionary functions,” leading to slapstick scenes of him hiding evidence in bomb-proof safes that comically malfunction. Adding insult to injury (literally), NAVSCOLEOD bizarrely puts the very fuse that blew off the janitor’s hand in a glass display case in the main lobby as a “cautionary exhibit”—complete with a plaque reading “Handle with Care: Lessons Learned”—which becomes a running gag as characters bump into it, setting off fake alarms and highlighting the brass’s tone-deaf arrogance.

Jake and Lenny, roped into investigating the t-shirt “threat,” embark on a slapstick quest involving disguises, accidental detonations of fake bombs, and a montage set to “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins. As they dig, they uncover the real explosives. Lenny, a recent graduate, recalls reporting Vance for inappropriate advances; an internal investigation—hilariously depicted as a bumbling “male talk to female students” session—deemed it “unfounded.” But now, Vance has been quietly booted from his active duty branch, and whispers reveal “EVERYONE knew he was like this before he came.” In a comedic side plot, Sgt. Mia “Fuse” Ramirez (Goldie Hawn), a female instructor who got pregnant from a student fling, left briefly but returned in a cushy “memorial position” (overseeing the EOD wounded warrior memorial). She transitions to a contract instructor gig, where she bizarrely advises female trainees like Cpl. Tina “Auction” Greene (Molly Ringwald) to hit up local “schooners” (seedy 80s yacht parties disguised as charity events) to be “auctioned off” for dates—leading to a chaotic scene where Tina ends up bidding on a bomb prop instead.

Adding to the scandals, the investigation reveals even wilder instructor antics: One female instructor, let’s call her Sgt. Lana “Flash” Donovan (a new character played by Shelley Long from *Cheers* and *The Money Pit*, bringing her sassy, denial-prone flair), gets busted for filming her own amateur porn videos on base property. In a hilariously awkward scene, Jake and Lenny discover a hidden VHS tape during a raid on the instructors’ lounge, showing Lana in a steamy encounter with a large, mysterious Black man (a cameo by Eddie Murphy from *Beverly Hills Cop*, hamming it up as a visiting “ordnance consultant”). The tape goes viral among the trainees via bootleg copies, but the real comedy explodes when Lana tries to deny it’s her—claiming the prominent tramp stamp tattoo visible in the footage isn’t her EOD badge but “just a really detailed crab from a beach vacation.” This leads to a courtroom-style base hearing where experts comically debate tattoo forensics, complete with oversized props and 80s hair metal underscoring. The janitor’s lawsuit ties in here too, as documents reveal the same ignored safety rules allowed unauthorized folks like Lana to stash “props” (including explosive ones) in unsecured areas, linking the porn fiasco to broader negligence—and the display case fuse becomes a key prop in the hearing, with witnesses comically pointing to it as “Exhibit A: Explosive Stupidity.” Layering on more absurdity, the probe uncovers Pvt. Rocco “Bang” Esposito (a new trainee character played by John Belushi in a flashback-style cameo, channeling his *Animal House* energy), a service member who failed to complete a crucial EOD certification test because he was too exhausted from participating in an all-night multi-guy gang bang at one of the off-base “schooner” parties—rumored to involve fellow trainees and shady outsiders, leading to a slapstick sequence where Rocco stumbles into the test range half-dressed, mistaking a bomb fuse for a party favor and nearly causing a real explosion. Compounding the chaos, whispers spread about base personnel experimenting with “bath salts” (an anachronistic nod to future drug trends, portrayed as experimental 80s designer drugs) during these wild gatherings, with paranoid claims that some participants were possible Mossad agents posing as international “ordnance experts” to spy on Navy tech—cue over-the-top scenes of drug-fueled hallucinations where characters see exploding matzah balls and chase imaginary spies through the bomb range, tying into the corruption as a red herring for the real slush fund schemes.

The mystery deepens when Jake stumbles upon “the reports” in a locked filing cabinet during a nighttime break-in (cue *Mission: Impossible*-style antics with tripwires and exploding decoys). Millions in Navy funds are being funneled to “follow-on training” at NAVSCOLEOD, with nothing to show for it—except fat contracts to prior Navy EOD tech companies stuffed with ex-commanding officers from CEODD (Center for Explosive Ordnance Disposal and Diving) and NAVSCOLEOD itself. Adm. McCoy is in on it, purchasing overpriced “training aids” from companies run by his old buddies, like Sgt. Vic “Memorial” Kane (Dan Aykroyd), who’s also on the board of the EOD wounded warrior/memorial foundation. In a hilarious reveal, the “memorial people” are using charity funds for personal yachts (those “schooners” again), turning wounded warrior support into a slush fund—now tangled with Lana’s porn side hustle as a “fundraiser video,” Rocco’s gang bang escapades as “team-building exercises,” the bath salts/Mossad paranoia as “international collaboration,” and the janitor’s lawsuit as evidence of systemic sloppiness, with the display case fuse mocked as the “crown jewel of corruption.”

Subplots abound: Vance tries to sabotage the investigation with prank bombs that backfire comically (one fills the mess hall with foam). Mia’s pregnancy secret leads to a mistaken-identity mix-up where everyone thinks Jake is the father. Tina rallies the female students in a *9 to 5*-esque rebellion, auctioning off the corrupt brass’s secrets instead. Lana’s denial spirals into a montage of her trying increasingly absurd cover stories, like claiming the video was “performance art for bomb defusal stress relief.” Rocco’s hangover becomes a running gag, with him confusing EOD drills for more “group activities,” while the bath salts subplot escalates into a psychedelic chase scene involving “Mossad” imposters who turn out to be local pranksters. The t-shirt mogul pops in for chaotic cameos, escalating the panic with new shirt drops that accidentally hint at the real scandals, including “EOD Tramp Stamp: Badge of Dishonor?” “Janitor’s Fuse: Hands Off!” and “Bath Salt Bang: Defuse or Diffuse?”—with one design featuring a cartoon fuse in a display case labeled “NAVSCOLEOD’s Hall of Shame.”

The climax hits during a base-wide demo day: As the t-shirt controversy peaks with protesters in slogan tees storming the gates, Jake and Lenny expose the corruption in an explosive finale—literally, as a rigged training aid detonates harmlessly but showers evidence everywhere, including flying VHS tapes, lawsuit papers, and bath salt packets, with the display case shattering comically and the infamous fuse rolling under McCoy’s feet. McCoy and Kane are busted in a pie-fight-style chase through the bomb range, Vance gets tangled in his own web of lies, Lana’s tape plays on a jumbotron by accident (censored with cartoon explosions), Rocco hallucinates a final “bang” before passing out, and Mia reforms after a heartfelt (and hilarious) confession. The film ends with the base reformed, the t-shirt company booming (now selling “Defused and Amused” merch with tramp stamp parodies, “Hands-Off Fuse” warnings, display case replicas, and “Mossad Salt Shaker” novelties), and Jake quipping, “Who knew the real bombs were in the budget… the bedroom… the broom closet… the display case… and the afterparty?”

To tie in actual events from 2000 onwards, the film closes with a satirical epilogue narrated by an older Jake (Tom Hanks in aging makeup), flashing forward to the 21st century. He wryly notes how the Navy’s explosive issues didn’t fizzle out: Cue quick-cut montages inspired by real scandals, like the infamous “Fat Leonard” bribery case starting around 2013, where a Malaysian contractor (Leonard Glenn Francis) plied Navy officers with millions in kickbacks, prostitutes, and lavish parties in exchange for ship contracts—echoing the film’s own corruption and “schooner” antics, but on a massive scale that ensnared over 30 admirals and led to the largest Navy bribery scandal in history. Jake quips about botched investigations persisting, referencing how in 2019, the Navy abandoned charges against sailors in the 2017 USS Fitzgerald and USS John S. McCain collisions (which killed 17 sailors due to fatigue, poor training, and leadership failures), after a top commander mishandled the probe. He ties it back to EOD roots by mentioning the heavy toll on EOD techs in post-9/11 wars, with dozens added to the EOD Memorial Wall since 2001 for sacrifices in Iraq and Afghanistan, underscoring ongoing safety and ethical lapses. Expanding on the non-profit slush fund theme, Jake highlights how similar abuses cropped up in veterans’ charities, like the 2016 Wounded Warrior Project scandal where executives were fired amid accusations of wasting millions in donor funds on lavish staff perks, extravagant conferences, and misleading financial reporting—mirroring the film’s “memorial” fund misuse, with a Senate probe later confirming governance failures and fund misrepresentation. He also nods to broader fraud in veteran non-profits, such as 2018 cases where operators of sham charities for wounded warriors were busted for pocketing donations through elaborate scams, recovering millions in settlements and leading to federal fraud charges—proving that turning support for EOD and wounded vets into personal slush funds wasn’t just 80s fiction. The screen fades with a final t-shirt slogan: “NAVSCOLEOD: Still Defusing Drama Since the ’80s,” blending fiction with real Navy history for a poignant, punchy close. Fade out to 80s credits with a freeze-frame high-five.

• 50% pre-shrunk cotton, 50% polyester
Heather Sport Dark Navy is 40% cotton, 60% polyester
• Fabric weight: 8.0 oz/yd² (271.25 g/m²)
• Air-jet spun yarn with a soft feel and reduced pilling
• Double-lined hood with matching drawcord
• Quarter-turned body to avoid crease down the middle
• 1 × 1 athletic rib-knit cuffs and waistband with spandex
• Front pouch pocket
• Double-needle stitched collar, shoulders, armholes, cuffs, and hem
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras or El Salvador

Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.

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