In the far-north annex of Santa’s workshop, behind the reindeer stables and past the sign that now reads “Condemned – Do Not Enter,” stands the blackened shell of what used to be the Murmuring Mistletoe Daycare and Elf Care Center.
Tinsel McVeigh did it.
On April 19, Year of the Red Sleigh, he parked a rented candy-cane delivery truck packed with 5,000 pounds of ammonium-nitrate fertilizer and fuel-oil “peppermint booster” right against the daycare’s gingerbread pillars. At 9:02 a.m., just as the little elves were lining up for morning cocoa and story time, the truck detonated.
One hundred and sixty-eight elves perished. Nineteen of them were tiny kindergarten elves who still believed in him. The blast shattered half the North Pole’s crystal windows, collapsed the Great Toy Foundry’s east wing, and sent a mushroom-shaped cloud of glitter and soot high enough to be seen from Lapland.
Tinsel was arrested three days later hiding in a snowbank, still wearing his soot-streaked red-and-green vest, humming “Carol of the Bells” with a vacant little smile. When the Elf FBI asked why, he simply said, “The List had become tyrannical.”
He was tried in the Ice Court beneath the Aurora, convicted on all 168 counts of elf murder plus one count of destroying federal toy property, and sentenced to eternal banishment in the Coal Mines of Naughty Ridge.
Every Christmas Eve, when the aurora flickers green and red, the older elves swear they can still hear a single muffled jingle bell echoing from the depths, counting down.
• 100% ring-spun cotton
• Sport Grey is 90% ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
• Dark Heather is 65% polyester, 35% cotton
• 4.5 oz/yd² (153 g/m²)
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Quarter-turned to avoid crease down the center
• Blank product sourced from Bangladesh, Nicaragua, Honduras, Dominican Republic, Haiti or Guatemala
Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
